Clay, a Pawn, a Heart - All in the Master's Hands

I've been itching to really blog for the last few posts more than just updates on what I'm doing but that seems to be what ends up coming out. Maybe because I'm not sure how honest I want to be on the internet. I'm so glad that God uses us despite our weaknesses and that in fact he desires to use our weaknesses. So often I find myself in front of my class reading a passage, a Bible lesson or a devotional and I can sense the Holy Spirit convicting me..."Kaitlin, do you hear that? Its not just for them, its for you too."

For instance, this week we were talking about sacrifices and what it looks like today. "You know, like giving your time to God, taking time for him and not giving him the leftovers, or falling asleep at the end of the day and you suddenly realize you haven't taken time with Jesus yet." Yeah, that's me. I'm too tired that I don't want to sacrifice my morning and then by the time I crawl into bed, I fall asleep before I've gotten to spend quality time with God. Ok God, let's re-arrange my heart.

He's been working in my heart in other areas too and I don't understand it. God, I barely give you the time of day, yet you are spring cleaning my soul. Oh right, Christianity isn't a formula, I do x so that you do y...no, I gave you my life and you are making me more like you because you love me and want to use me where I am. Because I am weak and can't do it on my own.

I've become part of an English speaking "life group". We've been working through Tim Keller's "The Reason for God". This small group of people, most of whom I didn't even know 6 weeks ago, have become very close to my heart. We all have different backgrounds and life experiences, yet we love the same Jesus and want to impact the world around us. I'm so thankful for these friends.

My parents might not enjoy reading this part, but I am feeling more and more like this place is home. I have my job, my house, my friends, the grocery stores I like to shop at, a hair dresser, my favorite restaurants, my church, my small group, and I'm even taking a class. No, I don't see it as home forever, in fact I'm not sure how long it will be home, but for now I feel settled, and the people who said it would take awhile were right. It's been almost 2 years.

Jesus, re-arrange my heart. Make me a pawn in your hand.

kait