Morning Conversations

I'm letting you in on an ongoing conversation I've been having with Jesus lately. It is something I've been struggling through recently and I'm opening it up to your input because God also speaks through those around us.

This is from my journal entry this morning.

"Yesterday we (You and me) were talking about generosity and taking care of the poor and the widow.
     Micah 6:8 'He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.'

To act justly: to act in accordance with moral or social standards.

moral: concerned with the principles of right and wrong.

to love mercy: the feeling that motivates compassion

compassion: a deep feeling of kindness that results in an act to help.

to walk humbly: meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude or spirit; not arrogant or prideful; unpretentious

God, I want to be generous and compassionate to people less fortunate than me. I want to share my blessings. I have a hard time with the begging though - it doesn't help them  with their problem, it only fixes the current symptom: I'm hungry. There are times when I feel you prompting me to give coins to the beggars and other times I just feel frustrated and uneasy. I don't want to give because I see them week after week on the same train, doing the same thing. There are organizations in place to help people get out of poverty (like kiva.org, or mediapilapais.com.ar) - I'd like to invest in something like this - but then where does that leave me with the day to day? Do I set aside money specifically to give in those instances? Do I just listen for your promptings and struggle through the internal feelings?

You had compassion on the beggars and gave them what they needed to improve their life situation in order to give you glory. Do I carry around granola bars or the like in my bag and give those to the hungry beggars and children? (It makes it easier to decide when they are sitting outside the grocery store with specific needs and requests).

I just don't know.

-kait

Clay, a Pawn, a Heart - All in the Master's Hands

I've been itching to really blog for the last few posts more than just updates on what I'm doing but that seems to be what ends up coming out. Maybe because I'm not sure how honest I want to be on the internet. I'm so glad that God uses us despite our weaknesses and that in fact he desires to use our weaknesses. So often I find myself in front of my class reading a passage, a Bible lesson or a devotional and I can sense the Holy Spirit convicting me..."Kaitlin, do you hear that? Its not just for them, its for you too."

For instance, this week we were talking about sacrifices and what it looks like today. "You know, like giving your time to God, taking time for him and not giving him the leftovers, or falling asleep at the end of the day and you suddenly realize you haven't taken time with Jesus yet." Yeah, that's me. I'm too tired that I don't want to sacrifice my morning and then by the time I crawl into bed, I fall asleep before I've gotten to spend quality time with God. Ok God, let's re-arrange my heart.

He's been working in my heart in other areas too and I don't understand it. God, I barely give you the time of day, yet you are spring cleaning my soul. Oh right, Christianity isn't a formula, I do x so that you do y...no, I gave you my life and you are making me more like you because you love me and want to use me where I am. Because I am weak and can't do it on my own.

I've become part of an English speaking "life group". We've been working through Tim Keller's "The Reason for God". This small group of people, most of whom I didn't even know 6 weeks ago, have become very close to my heart. We all have different backgrounds and life experiences, yet we love the same Jesus and want to impact the world around us. I'm so thankful for these friends.

My parents might not enjoy reading this part, but I am feeling more and more like this place is home. I have my job, my house, my friends, the grocery stores I like to shop at, a hair dresser, my favorite restaurants, my church, my small group, and I'm even taking a class. No, I don't see it as home forever, in fact I'm not sure how long it will be home, but for now I feel settled, and the people who said it would take awhile were right. It's been almost 2 years.

Jesus, re-arrange my heart. Make me a pawn in your hand.

kait